Category Archives: Asheville

Bring What You Have

This blog could have been written ten days ago.  But it wasn’t.

Over the last month or so, I found myself increasingly tired.  Tourist season has begun, which means we in the hospitality industry are busy. (And sometimes tourists have ridiculous questions / standards). My community here in Asheville has been working through life. And although I do have the occasional Sunday off, my church and faith life struggle.

So, yeah, I get worn out.

But on a Sunday that I did go to church, the pastor spoke on Mark 8 – the feeding of the four thousand.

Cool, I think. A story that I’ve heard hundreds of time. People follow Jesus, but have no food. The disciples react in their typical manner and Jesus miraculously provides. Done.

As the sermon went on, the pastor focused on something I hadn’t given much attention to before.

And his disciples answered him, “How can one feed these people with bread here in this desolate place?” And he asked them, “How many loaves do you have?” They said, “Seven.” – Mark 8:4-5

Jesus doesn’t admonish the disciples for their attitudes – although He could, considering a few chapters back Jesus fed five thousand…. But Jesus simply asks them, What do you have? He wants these brothers to bring whatever they have, whatever they can find and bring it to Him. That is what Jesus will use.

Maybe what else I write is obvious to some, but I needed the reminder. Maybe somebody else does, too.

It is very easy for me to believe that I don’t have much to offer. More often than not I find myself wondering what I’m doing with my life. There seems to be no real direction, no passion or hobby(s) that I actively pursue. My anxiety and my guilt steal much of my energy on a given day.

The pastor spoke to me that morning. “Some of you may feel like all you have to bring is the broken mess of sin and confusion. Jesus sees that, sees You and welcomes it. He doesn’t ask for a person put together. Jesus asks for you to bring what you have, and trust in His love and truths.”

It seems so simple, yet profound for me. Even again today as I type.

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I don’t have much to give right now. My blog may never be a consistent thing. There still isn’t a passion or hobby or issue grabbing my attention or heart. There is plenty of room for growth in my community, and even more in me.

But maybe, just maybe I can cling to these words, bring what I have today and trust.

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Twenty-ninth

I’ve stumbled over how to start this post. And despite my hopes to make it a 2017 in review post, time has dragged on and so it is, instead, a look at all that happened during year number 29 for me. Typically, I would do this chronologically, but there are too many connected thoughts and ideas across the year…. so….

(hopefully you follow the chaos that is about to come)

  • Antioch Community – I stumbled into finding this church, and waffled around about whether or not to jump in with them. Eventually, I realized the goodness of God on Sundays, and maybe even more in my Life Group. I struggle to be fully present in community, even though I know it’s good, but these people knew (know) how to love and challenge well. Many songs, prayers (including some truth-speaking int my life and future), laughs and good conversations on life, faith and community.

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  • Returned to monthly counseling, which transitioned to more life coaching. Still need to get better about voicing my opinions, and being okay with the messy present. (Progress is greater than perfection)
  • Working at RYSS – My job often had me frustrated at the school system or exhausted from substituting or laughing with my Latino coworkers and students. The stress of state testing, but the joy of seeing students “get it.”  My 3rd graders made leaving the school tough. They reminded me of the joy of learning, the desire to have an adult listen to their story or idea, the struggles of childhood. And I wrestled with whether or not I was supposed to move on from that school. Despite the amazing smiles and stories, something new would come for me.

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  • I realize, looking back, the importance of some consistency in reading and discussing Scripture. Whether it was reading through the Torah to get to perspective, or messaging about Proverbs or Colossians with friends far away, having that accountability and structure for reading is good. And it forced me to take time to think and ask questions about what I was reading.
  • My post-Mission Year community. What a blessing (that I didn’t always realize or acknowledge) to have other alum to live with after such an intense year. The consistency of my roommate and our conversations, drives and coffee. The joy in exploration and digging into issues with another teammate. The monthly alumni dinners we coordinated with another couple from our first year. Something that was happening, that I’m still trying to notice now, the simple goodness of “those little moments” that develop and solidify community, friendships.
  • After reading Your Other Brothers, I connected with their group of supporters. And while I was just expecting to give thoughts on future blogs or podcasts, I found myself quickly in the midst of the “Yobber” community.  Having a group of men to share the ups and downs of life with. And then I was invited to blog for them as well! This online (and sometimes in person) community has blown me away with the vulnerability and welcoming and engagement in tough conversations. Plus some good gifs.

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  • I had an open summer after quitting my job, and was introduced to the amazing organization, Love Fosters Hope. If you’re in the Houston area, check them out. Two weeks of my summer were then spent helping at their week long summer camps for children and youth in the foster care system. We ran and sang and encouraged and ate and laughed and played gaga ball and swam. The boys from my cabin the first week made me laugh so hard and confused me and broke my heart by the end of the week. To see their pain, to see their capacity to love and enjoy life in the midst of everything else that may be going on. Such incredible kids (and staff).
  • There were so. many. trips. this past year.  Started off visiting Arizona for the first time ever to surprise my friend.  Then Denver for a wedding. Spring break trip (with McKenzie) to visit Mission Year friends in Raleigh and make my first trip to the Jewel of the Blue Ridge.  With no work during the summer, I was able to take a longer vacation – Minnesota to visit CrossFire teammates and all the wonderful people I left when I moved, Kansas to be with family and meet my niece Amelia, and then Denver (again) to meet some of the authors of YOB.  Plus I got hangout in Boulder for a few days with McKenzie and her family. Made an uncharacteristically spontaneous decision to join some friends on the East Coast to watch the eclipse. And rounded out my travels with a long weekend in St Louis.
  • With the future somewhat uncertain, I tried to figure out life in Houston back in the Beulah house with a new mix of housemates (and two dogs).  There were lots of good conversations, great food, and confusion (for me) about where I should be living, what I should be doing. And just as I was getting close to a possible answer – Hurricane Harvey. So… got to experience a real hurricane and flooding with some great people, and witness neighbors and churches being authentic. But then it was on to the next journey.

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  • Asheville, NC – With little notice, two job interviews, but a place to live for up to a month, I said goodbye to Houston. Within a week, I had a job offer. The next two months would be a roller coaster. Waiting for the job to start, getting to know my friends in Asheville better, exploring the city, waiting as my start date continued to be pushed back, crazy adventures with Yobbers coming to visit – Clue movie night, bruppers, hiking Craggy Pinnacle, finding waterfalls, plenty of coffee and dancing. Finally moved into an apartment (and got a roommate) and then started working at Cambria hotel as a front desk agent.
  • As I re-read journal entries and blogs, I can’t help but see the over-arching idea of “directionless” through this year. Not enjoying my work at school, but not wanting to quit because I didn’t know what I would do next. Having community in Antioch, Beulah and Asheville, but always holding it at a distance – not sure how to be fully present or authentic. Jumping around during my summer to visit places I have been, wondering if it might give me ideas on a place or a next job. Yet, in the midst of all this confusion, there remains some sense of hope. Though I have often felt unsure of who I am, what my work is, or where I belong, I can look back an see the moments that friends and family were right. there. with. me.

So, while the next year remains pretty blank in terms of knowing what may happen, maybe I can take heart, learn a lesson from twenty-nine, and trust living as presently as I can to see this moment for what it is.